There’s nothing nicer than a pat on the back – being told you’re great or that was a job well done.  It makes us feel better about ourselves.  But you should feel good about yourself regardless.

Unfortunately, we’ve all been raised on a highly addicted drug – the drug of approval.  We need to feel that we’re “in”, that people like and notice us.  We worry about what others think of us – but we shouldn’t waste our energy – most people don’t think about us at all, they’re too busy worrying what others think of them.  From our earliest years, when we stood up to do our party-piece or when we won the egg-and-spoon race, we’ve been taught that recognition and approval are great.  And they are – it’s just that the normal person craves them.

But your self esteem needs to come from you yourself – that’s kind of what the word “self” means.  You need to approve of yourself and understand that, in fact, you’re worth it.  You may, like all of us, have perceived shortcomings and inadequacies – but that’s all they are, perceptions.   We learned these perceptions at the same time that we learned our need for approval – when we were young and impressionable.  Nowadays, as adults, the approval of others papers over the cracks of our own perceived inadequacy.

But, as I once asked a very close friend who, quite literally, hated the very sight of himself in the mirror “Do you think that the God you believe in would create something imperfect?”  He answered a very definite “Yes” – hardly surprising when you consider that standard religious teaching tells us that we are in need of redemption. 

The psychological facts are plain and simple.  We might have been born with blue eyes and a certain skin tone – but we weren’t born with a personality – we learned it.  It was foisted upon us (often with the best will in the world) when our minds were sponge-like.  And now, in later life, we take what’s lodged in our subconscious as given, the Gospel truth, firmly held beliefs.  That’s why we need the approval of others – as I said, it makes us feel better.

Get over yourself, kick the habit.  Reacquaint yourself with the real you within – that inner power that we all have to be great, to be wonderful, to be all that we can be.  Don’t let what’s going on around you give you either a high or a low – your state of mind is the only thing in your life that you can absolutely control – grab it and embrace it with all your energy.

How?  You need to stop the noise in your head – the internal noise that’s telling you that you’re inadequate and the external noise of people most of whom don’t give a damn about you.  You need to learn to pay attention to the reality of the present moment.  In fact, you need to come to your senses – you have five of them, use them.